ESPMen, especially those from older generations, may not be used to sharing their feelings. Chalk it up to “machismo” or the excuse that “men shouldn’t cry,” but it is well understood that sharing your emotional load is a great way to live a happier, more satisfied life. The challenge is to get them to feel comfortable sharing their emotions.
Many men process emotions through action rather than direct conversation, so framing chats around activities or specific questions helps facilitate a natural flow of communication. Here are some pointers:
• Avoid judgment and advice: When he shares, he might just want to be heard, not fixed. Refrain from leaping to conclusions or offering unsolicited solutions.
• Show appreciation: When he tries to express himself, value the moment by thanking him or expressing that you feel closer to him. This positive reinforcement encourages him to do it again.
• Handle his vulnerability with care: If you use his shared emotions against him during a future argument, he will immediately put his walls back up.
• Talk side-by-side: Face-to-face conversation can feel highly pressured. Men often share more easily when doing a shared activity, such as going for a walk, driving, or playing a casual game.
• Set the example: Share your own emotions and vulnerabilities first to show him what healthy emotional transparency looks like.
• Ask direct questions: Men generally respond better to specific, direct questions rather than broad inquiries like "How are you feeling?". Ask exactly what you want to know or ask for his advice on a situation to build trust and mutual.
