When you strongly disagree with a loved one
07 Sep 2024 by Ted Escobedo 2 min read
Disagreeing vehemently with a loved one can be frustrating but it’s important to remember that a disagreement is not the end of the world – or the end of a relationship. It is important to remember that how you have the discussion matters.
Here are some tips you can use to make your conversations productive:
• Look for things you do agree on. It is likely that you agree on far more than you disagree about.
• Kindness and respect go a long way when trying to discuss difficult topics. Be aware of your tone of voice and body language.
• Avoid imagining how you think the conversation will go or how it has gone in the past. Playing negative scenarios in your head will increase your stress. It could also steer the conversation downhill straight out of the gates.
• Be prepared to genuinely listen to their perspective—even if you already believe you don’t agree with them and can’t fathom how they could believe what they believe. When people feel heard, you are more likely to keep the conversation going and avoid damaging your relationship.
• If it feels like the conversation is becoming heated, remember that getting louder will escalate the situation for sure. Plus, it makes it harder to hear what is being said. If you’re struggling to think clearly or keep your cool, take a break. Say you need to go to the bathroom, or you need to get a drink of water—anything to take a break in the action and allow yourselves time to breathe. Pausing is powerful.
• Avoid using “You always, you never,” and “You should.” Instead, focus on yourself and share your perspective while using “I” statements (I feel, I believe, I want, I need, etc.).
These are particularly stressful times, and when you disagree with the ones you love, it can be made even more difficult. Maintaining perspective and focusing on the love you share can save you both undue anger.
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- Emotional Health